目前日期文章:200412 (10)

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東南亞海嘯至今已經有超過十五萬人喪生。智邦生活館週刊請訂戶停止跨年狂歡,我覺得這是個不錯的主意。在此轉達這個訊息,如果和我一樣覺得不錯的人可以採用。另外請參考下面這個網站可以捐款:

http://blog.roodo.com/tsunamihelp/

** 智邦生活館週刊文案 **

2004年12月26日,位處南亞的印尼發生芮氏規模9.0,史上第四大強震,引發波及東南亞8個國家的海嘯,目前不幸喪生人數已超過6萬名,上百萬人流離失所,急待救援...

那些國家或許你曾經去過,也曾在沙灘上享受過當地人的溫暖微笑,然而,這一切卻被大海侵吞。地震造成的災害是天災,但海嘯的傷害原本可以減少。然而,人類破壞了海洋結構,毀壞珊瑚與紅樹林,也毀壞了抵減海嘯威力的屏障。

該是行動的時候了。只要點入連結,就可以找到各大國際救援組織。我們更希望你加入串聯的行動,在自己的網站、BLOG、甚至以轉寄的方式,讓更多人知道。

2005年,跨年之夜,我們誠摯地希望您省下跨年狂歡的錢,捐給更需要的人,在那一夜,靜靜地反思祈禱,過一個清靜年。

**

以靜的心祈禱平安早日降臨。

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The look of love
Is in your eyes
The look your smile can't disguise
The look of love
Is saying so much more
Than just words could ever say
And what my heart has heard
Well it takes my breath away

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that I have found you

You've got the look of love
It's on your face
A look that time can't erase
Be mine tonight
Let this be just the start
Of so many nights like this
Let's take a lover's vow
And then seal it with a kiss

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that I have found you
Don't ever go

I can hardly wait to hold you
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you
Now that I have found you
Don't ever go
Don't ever go
I love you so


也是一年半前認識的歌,剛失戀的時候總是每次聽每次傷心,隨著時間過去就慢慢的好了,能夠專心感受那種溫柔的感覺。Dusty Springfield 是我目前聽過覺得最好的版本。真是一首浪漫到昏倒的歌,雖然歌詞很簡單。這首歌一旦放出來,很難想像除了跳舞和緩慢的融化以外,你還能做些什麼來抵擋......

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Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the roses falling
'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so

And when ye come, and all the flowers are dying
If I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me

And I shall hear tho’ soft ye tread above me
And all my grave will warmer, sweeter be
If ye will bend and tell me that you love me
Then I shall sleep in peace until ye come to me


我很喜歡愛爾蘭音樂。Danny Boy 是很簡單但是又很感人的一首歌,常聽到我眼淚快掉下來。它有好多版本,演唱的或是演奏的都有,Randall Dighton 是我找到比較符合我要的感覺的一個版本,不過如果有更滄桑的就更好了。有誰可以推薦嗎?

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原生家庭對個人的影響最近似乎成為越來越熱門的話題。

這也許可以進入心理學,社會學,哲學等等許多領域,但是最終還是回歸至個人對自我的接納與認同上面。現在人們的心靈越來越空虛,追求各種外在的滿足卻仍無法填補。從中我發現,能不能接受自己,就百分之八十決定了快不快樂。

能不能自我悅納,決定了心靈的品質,也跟著決定了生活,事業,以及愛情婚姻的品質。

天下沒有完美的父母,每個家庭都會有自己的難題,屬於自己的親子衝突。原生家庭影響個人,可以來自個性的遺傳,或者後天的環境價值觀。我始終認為這一關是人生之中最難以突破的迷障,因為在肯定與否定家庭的同時,我們也牽扯著肯定與否定自我的敏感神經。分寸的拿捏很重要,然而很少有人能夠做到完全坦然。

老掉牙的課題就是孩子通常會看父母某一個個性特質非常不順眼,千叮嚀萬叮嚀自己絕對不要變成那樣,可是卻在漸漸長大,經歷外面世界的鍛鍊,人際關係的互動之後,赫然發現自己已經變成自己最不想變成的那個人。

每個人一定都有這樣的經驗,這感覺大概是非常的深沉無奈吧。那就像一輩子也揮不去的影子一樣,隨時跟在背後。

有人痛恨父母脾氣壞,有人不喜歡父母限制太多,有人不喜歡父母太悲觀。

在思索原生家庭的同時,我慢慢的發現深層的問題其實就是我能不能夠認識自己接受自己。我不停的問著自己:我並不是完美的,這點我可以接受嗎?更糟的是我不完美的地方,可能就是我最無法忍受的地方。我可以接受這樣的自己嗎?

從一開始的斬釘截鐵肯定回答,一次又一次過去,我發現其實許多沮喪的來源根本就是來自於內心的抗拒。我再也不敢很快的說,是,我完全接受了自己。漸漸的我越來越遲疑,而這有時候會讓我一身冷汗。

也許這是虛心和誠實的表現吧,我這樣對自己說著。很好,至少你沒有假裝能夠接受。

我當然可以努力活出一個自己夢想中的自己,發揮我喜歡的特質,壓抑我不喜歡的特質。然而力求完美令人感到萬分疲累。在厭惡的推開外界的期望之後,我赫然發現對完美最嚴苛的要求竟然是來自於我自己,而非身旁的任何一個人。

原生家庭能夠給的枷鎖畢竟有限,真正使人無法逃脫的,是自己給自己的限制。

不管我願不願意承認,我的個性上就已經有了原生家庭所加諸的因子,有的令我很喜歡,有的令我很想逃開。更廣博一點來說,我的個性上有一堆自己喜歡的特性,也有一堆自己不喜歡的特性,不管它們是來自先天或後天。雖然我也很希望自己是完美而可愛的,但是我清楚知道一味的否認自己的負面只會帶來更大的壓力和災難,因此我還在練習接納,希望藉由學會接納,而得到廣大的自由與快樂。這即是一件可以練習許久的功課。


看見某人 blog 文章有感

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  • Dec 14 Tue 2004 13:17
  • 1213

12/13/2004

很快的又過了將近一個禮拜。課業漸漸步上軌道,令我漸漸恢復了信心。站定以後環顧四周,發現和我一樣在摸索的人很多。很想為大家鼓勵一下,就在此默默的加加油好了。

收到遠從台灣寄來的聖誕禮物,雀躍不已非常感動。God bless。

生活中還是很多事情,大大小小,喜悅或煩躁。就讓我遠離頭腦高速運轉的狀態,平靜的過一陣子吧。也讓我在這樣的狀態平靜的吸收專業知識和其他各領域的見識。

天冷了,有人要畢業離開了。心遍及四海,友情可以交織在很多地方。我期待回家過聖誕節的平靜溫馨,也期待一同闖蕩蒙古大草原的豪邁約定。

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那我也把想跟你說的話說一說好了。

之前不想多做解釋,是因為我覺得講出來都太虛偽,況且你大概也不會相信我。這次我不知道你能夠接受多少相信多少,不過就是說一下吧。

對你,我一直都是全部接納,我也知道我無法提供你所需要的能量,但是我不認為這應該讓我停止關心你。你的情緒反應,我很可以理解,通常怨恨都是因為被傷害的關係。

我對你的價值觀,對你這個人有沒有批評,我想你是知道的。誰對你從不口出惡言,這點我是有自信我應該算是有做到的。

當然你可以認為我那些種種都很虛假,畢竟人嘴巴講的話都不可信,我說我是真心那樣想才那樣講話,你能不能相信,是我無法控制的。

對 C,如果我真的看重你,就會跟她劃清界線,這句話我不同意。

我是不應該在背後說她,這是我人格上的缺失,應該要改進。現在我也不知道我對她的好惡是如何。我不喜歡去討厭一個人甚至斷交,除非他真的惹我到很誇張的地步。大部分的人都是這樣,不過每個人背後的原因都不一樣。你猜測我是因為利益人脈,這是很合理的,但是我必須要說這並不是我的著眼點。我是什麼樣的人,你跟我來往也不算短,我會採用這樣的價值觀去與人相處嗎?我是那樣的人嗎?

我不喜歡用刺的態度去看待別人,即便是他們的價值觀和我不一樣。我曾經認識過很誇張的人,滿口謊言又自吹自擂,大家都輕視他,在背後奚落他。可是我每次都覺得他是可憐的,因為沒有人天生願意那樣,不管是心態偏差或者是精神有病。

之前傷害過我的人,轉過頭來我也覺得他們雖然面容可怕,但是是可憐憫的。我還是相信神,並不是因為把神抬出來就好像很崇高一樣。我覺得人的好惡實在是很渺小的,我們看到的事物也真的很侷限。我朋友跟我講過小德蘭的故事,讓我印象非常深刻。小德蘭曾經很討厭過一個修女,但是因為她太愛主,因此她努力的以主的喜好為喜好。雖然她個人討厭那個修女,但是主把那修女生在世上,絕對有他的道理,因此小德蘭就把自己的好惡放到一邊,盡心盡力的和那個修女相處。

我選擇和很多人都保持不同層次的聯絡,是因為我想要把一己的好惡擺到一邊,學習以神的喜好為喜好,以神的判斷為判斷,也學習虛心。我不只不應該在背後說別人,甚至還應該連那樣的意見念頭都不要有。

就某方面來說,我不茍同甚至討厭某些價值觀和行為,其實真正可悲的是我自己。這是我的體會,跟你分享一下,絕對不是要刺傷你。

包容和接納是非常大的一門功課,是我一直在練習的功課。包容和接納,會讓自己更堅強,更不容易被傷害。

至於朋友。老實說現在的我,並不會把有沒有在身旁扶持我,當作唯一的條件。我失戀的時候,在我身旁的人,我當然是很感謝,而且這當然也能夠反映出交情的深厚。只是這並不是全部,我不覺得人與人之間是這樣情誼交換的關係。並不是說當時沒有來扶持我的人,就不算是好朋友,等等。

因為那是我的人生,我自己的事,我得到關心和力量,那是我賺到的,人們並沒有義務要來幫助我。對我付出多的人,我自然找機會回報。有時回報得不夠多,我自己也知道,因為我還只是一個可憐的正在修行的靈魂。但是,平常沒消沒息的人,一出現就找我幫忙,我會幫嗎?我會。我會覺得他們這樣很不夠意思嗎?不會,我會很高興他們會想到我去幫他們忙。因為這代表我是幸福的,擁有夠多才能夠付出,另一方面也代表我還在他們的心裡,就算只是一點點淡淡的。

也許我太天真,但是別人只要稍微問候我,我就會把它當作是真心的,然後很高興。學著把對別人的期望降到零,然後你會很快樂,因為幾乎一切都是正分。當別人做了某些事情讓你感到被傷害的時候,不要讓那些事情真的在你的心上面劃下傷痕。

我說的這些,你如果想要給朋友看跟朋友討論,就傳出去吧。現在大概就想到這些,這就是我能做的了。

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曾經有一段時間我覺得自己已經完全把傷痛拋在腦後,在那同時我隱隱的覺得,一定有些陰影會在我再度面臨感情的時候又復活起來。

如今它真的發生了,相反的是我倒不會很手足無措。

有人對我好,想要接近我,我會下意識的轉過身去冷淡以對。我不知道如何表達我的在乎和關心,已經習慣於極端疏離,沒有交流,沒有分享的關係太久太久。

空窗期的時候僅止於認知到前一段感情的品質太差,但是有明顯的感覺,親眼看見並體悟,是在面臨到感情交流發生的時候。

人與人之間可以不用那麼緊閉,那麼冷漠苛刻。我再也不會因為自由表達我自己而被最親近的人罵,不必為了大大小小的事情而被強勢的要求配合。我要好好觀察如何合理的對待別人,然後,加速遠離充滿批評與輕蔑的互動狀態。

傷痛是已經痊癒的,我相信陰影也很快會除去。

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When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

When I was just a child in school,
I asked my teacher, "What will I try?
Should I paint pictures"
Should I sing songs?"
This was her wise reply:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

When I grew up and fell in love.
I asked my sweetheart, "What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows
Day after day?"
Here's what my sweetheart said:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

Now I have children of my own.
They ask their mother, "What will I be?"
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?"
I tell them tenderly:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
Que sera, sera!"


What will be, will be. 很耐人尋味的一句話。Doris Day 是一位很有故事的老牌歌星影星,前一陣子曾在 E! 電視台上看到介紹她生平的 Hollywood True Story。這首歌是我偶然間在 KTV 聽到別人唱,覺得很有共鳴,最近兩天不知道怎麼搞的又忽然想起,找出歌詞來和大家分享。

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我們來討論一下工作方式吧。工作包括做事和唸書,也包括獨立工作和團隊合作。

各種經驗,心得,還有什麼是重要的,如何達成你心目中理想的工作目標和模式。

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I wrote to my girl friend about the men I met.

I finally realized that a right relationship should make me laugh, instead of make everything seem correct. This is such a simple truth but it took me so long to figure out.

Did I always pick the wrong men? Perhaps. I used to date these so-called "well-educated" guys. Our backgrounds match very well, no matter it's the degree or talent or the sensitivity towards art, music, literature. However there was always something wrong.

I never knew what went wrong until I met someone who's open-minded and true.

One fatal thing about well-educated guys is that they worry too much about being good or bad, about being right or wrong. When they go after girls, they try everything they can to make a good impression. They polish their writing skills if this girl is a writer, learn instruments if this girl is a musician, study art or paintings if this girl is a painter. They "learn" how to be a good listener. By "learn" here I mean they learn how to shut up when girls talk their opinions, rather than listening with the heart. This subtle difference makes them totally defeated.

Also, perhaps because they are winners in the society, they tend to be judgemental.

They also learn how to treat the girl like she's the only thing in his eyes. In short, they are too focused on the "skills" of going after girls, rather than treating each other with the heart. What often happened was that once he got the girl, everything came back to normal, and this girl thinks, "What the hell, is this the same guy that I was going out with?"

Fake impression.

I firmly believe that people should always be themselves. I am trying hard to behave that way. People are telling me to hide my negative sides so that I can attract more men. Frankly speaking, I don't believe that. Only by showing the real me can I attract the men who can take the real me.

This test has indeed filtered out some people that cannot take negative aspects of people and life. It has also filtered out people who think too much. These are men I won't take anyway, so I found the being-the-real-me test quite effective.

After all, if this guy thinks "Urgh, this girl is unhappy, I don't want that", would you take this guy? And these guys will never find the girl they're dreaming of. Who doesn't want a guy who thinks this way, "I see. She must have been hurt in some way so that she behaves like this"? That is what compassion means.

My past patterns were more on the right/wrong debates, instead of behaving from the heart and caring for each other. It was just too rational and cold and manipulative. I met this somebody and he talked to me whenever he wanted to, asked me out whenever he wanted to. I don't care if this is going to be lasting or not, but at least I feel he speaks everything from his heart. From that I saw myself, my caring and supportive nature. Why are we hiding ourselves when there's no need to hide? That's just ridiculous. I used to think it's ridiculous but I never knew if I were right, because I always met people with their doors shut. I kept questioning myself. Now I know there's nothing wrong with the way I interact with people. And it feels just great.

So I opened up and asked whether he needed support. I asked whether he was doing okay, whether he was frustrated by me. I asked him to call me and chat if he wanted to.

I have no idea what will happen next. I'm not even sure if this is a relationship or not, but I'm so happy when talking with him. This is exactly what I need right now. Even if he leaves me someday, the high energy will be engraved into my soul.

Meeting this person has made me see my bright side. This is something I've always wanted to see but never got a chance.

Yes, if people describe me, I am a smart and talented girl with a sensitive mind. I also think a lot and have my own feelings towards art, my own opinions towards the society. But on top of that, I finally realized now what I am looking for. I don't care if the guy is talented or not. It is totally okay if he doesn't know art/literature/society. These are plug-ins. If he holds such nature, these can be trained. All I'm asking for is to be true. To be direct and very honest with his feelings and with people. To be caring, supportive and compassionate. This is much more difficult to be learnt.



Jessie, last day before Dec 2004

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